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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26738650">Lot of tears</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Esk102938/pseuds/Esk102938'>Esk102938</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>depression - Fandom</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Other</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 10:34:24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>777</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26738650</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Esk102938/pseuds/Esk102938</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Lot of tears</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lot of tears that you fight to hold back,<br/>
You never thought things would get so bad,<br/>
You hate the weekend just as much as you hate the week,<br/>
But the pain doesn't stop until you fall asleep,<br/>
That alarm begins ringin,<br/>
You open up your eyes,<br/>
That smile on your face is the ultimate disguise,<br/>
One that everybody buys cause they don't see the signs<br/>
cause you've gotten so good at convincing them that you're fine,<br/>
Plannin for the weekend cause you think you can handle it,<br/>
Breakdown from anxiety and have to call and cancel it,<br/>
It's ruining your social life,<br/>
People start ignoring you,<br/>
You think about the future,<br/>
There's nothing to look forward to,<br/>
Want to start a family and then move into a home,<br/>
Now you struggle to accept the fact you'll always be alone,<br/>
Nobody'd even miss you,<br/>
You'll always be a burden,<br/>
So it isn't really suicide,<br/>
it's like a public service,<br/>
That makes you nervous cause you don't want to end it all,<br/>
Thinkin bout reachin out to that therapist you went and saw,<br/>
Parents might find out and since you don't want to get them involved you're scrolling through your contacts loooking for a friend to call,<br/>
Put the phone down thinkin this is too much,<br/>
They won't know how to help you cause you're way too screwed up,<br/>
Maybe they'll ignore you,<br/>
Maybe they won't listen,<br/>
Tell you you're not suicidal,<br/>
You're just dying for attention,<br/>
Take the pills they give you and feel a little better,<br/>
But take the whole bottle and your problems are gone forever,<br/>
So you think thats the answer because you don't wanna live,<br/>
And wherever you go afterwards it can be worse than this,<br/>
No it can't be worse than this,<br/>
It just can't be worse than this,<br/>
That's how you get pushed to the brink,<br/>
That's when it happens you act and don't think,<br/>
She was bi-polar, manic, about to break,<br/>
Took the whole bottle of pills then sat back to wait,<br/>
That's when she realized that she had made a mistake,<br/>
Grabbed the phone to call her dad but he got there too late,<br/>
Kid at my school, I guess he had enough,<br/>
The 8th floor of his building, he decided to jump,<br/>
Heard someone say he took the easy way out,<br/>
I've held a razor to my wrist trust me it isn't easy,<br/>
A man in my support group only came a few weeks,<br/>
He just sat back and listened he didn't really speak,<br/>
He was depressed but getting better at least that's what he said,<br/>
That next week we learned he put a bullet in his head,<br/>
I won't forget that moment,<br/>
The entire room was overcome with emotion,<br/>
Why didn't he reach out if he was that broken,<br/>
We'd do anything to help him and we didn't even know him,<br/>
Then tears started flowin but they weren't all for him,<br/>
We were crying for his family we were crying for his friends,<br/>
If he really cared about them why'd he put them through this,<br/>
That's that night i learned what suicide really is,<br/>
It's selfish,<br/>
yeah that sounds heartless,<br/>
Sounds like I'm tryin to turn a victim into a target,<br/>
But I know what depression is like its easy giving into that,<br/>
People love you but it doesn't want you to remember that,<br/>
Makes you feel like you're alone but your family and friends care,<br/>
And the second that you end your life you destroy theirs,<br/>
Trust me I've seen the aftermath of families going through it,<br/>
And at times it's been the only reason i refuse to do it<br/>
Because I'm not happy but i'm also not delusional,<br/>
Depression makes it hard to see that life is truly beautiful,<br/>
I know for us it isn't and that really freakin sucks,<br/>
And i don't know what the solution is but it's not giving up,<br/>
It's not dying in a bathtub,<br/>
Slit wrist bleeding,<br/>
You don't care about your life but to others it has meaning,<br/>
So fight and do it for them,<br/>
Screw your 13 reasons,<br/>
Because once you're gone thats it,<br/>
There is no second season,<br/>
But thats how it gets depicted,<br/>
Misrepresented<br/>
As a way to get revenge,<br/>
As a way to get attention,<br/>
But give it a couple weeks and most people start forgetting,<br/>
And you #RIP hashtag on twitter quits trending,<br/>
But the ones close to you their wounds are never mended,<br/>
Cause your death was just a tragedy that could have been prevented,<br/>
You leave them heartbroken,<br/>
Always staying up at night,<br/>
Wishing you could hear them from the other side.......</p>
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